The loss of a pregnancy is usually devastating for a couple, regardless
of the number of children in the family. As soon as a pregnancy
becomes recognized, each (prospective) parent starts to accept
and plan for their new arrival. If the pregnancy is lost, this
is often considered a "death within the family" and
the couple will go through an intense grieving process.
The components of the grieving process may be easier to accept
and cope with if they are consciously understood. Therefore, I
have briefly outlined some of the major issues and those interested
can read the original sources.
The grieving process often includes sequential periods of
- * denial, beginning with the shock of learning that
there has been a death
- * anger, often inappropriately directed at anyone the
person thinks about or sees
- * bargaining, often involving charitable acts or attempts
to reconcile damaged relationships
- * depression, often associated with feelings of helplessness
and hopelessness
- * acceptance, enjoying the time spent with family and
social groups "more than ever."
The changes in one's self image described in the context of the
loss of a body part or normal function may also be relevant, including
- * impact, beginning at the point of awareness that
there is a problem requiring the loss of a body part (or here
essentially a "family part")
- * retreat, where denial of the importance of the loss
may occur (a second opinion at this point is often important in
allowing movement toward closure)
- * acknowledgment, with acceptance of the need for treatment
generating an attempt to place the treatment and loss into an
appropriate context
- * reconstruction, a redefinition of self image without the
presence of the lost part (or family member)
In this grieving process, if the "redefined self images" of each member of the family can not be
accepted by the other members then there is often a long lasting impact possibly resulting in
depression. If a couple can not work through this on their own then professional counseling is
often quite powerful and should be recommended.
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